Joe Paterno is dead. Now comes the hypocrisy of the press that Newt Gingrich denounced during his march to victory in South Carolina.
I was listening to Sally Jenkins talk about her time interviewing Joe Pa shortly before he died. She dismissed the pseudo-psychobabble most news and sports commentators suggested was Joe's undoing, namely, remorse and regret for being exiled from his beloved Penn State football coaching chores in the wake of the Jerry Sandusky child rape scandal. (I'm not calling it "abuse" or "molestation." Rape is rape and that's what the issue is all about.) Sally was blunt and down to earth. She posited that the chemo killed him. Joe Pa, she said, was a real man and he would not have surrendered to self-pity. He was too strong for that.
Sally is from Fort Worth, Texas stock. Good people are born and raised ...and some leave Fort Worth.
Sally's dad, Dan, wrote one of my favorite books: Semi-Tough. Very irreverent. Very funny. Blunt in its imagery but really on target. People in the North East, polite politically correct people can't take the Jenkins family brand of honesty or humor. They get offended.
Sally was very direct in her description of Paterno. And she described his take on what he did with regard to notice of the Sandusky depravity exactly as I posited in an early blog. He did his duty. He reported it up the ranks. Joe was not a cop. He was not a prosecutor. He was not a jury, nor a judge. He was not a vigilante. He was not a lynch mob. But the press pilloried him for failing to climb aboard a white horse and hang the bastard from the nearest goal post. To the man and woman, the national media pushed and heaved until the ikon known as Joe Paterno was trashed.
Joe Pa anguished over the plight of the violated and, as any true civil libertarian worth his or her salt, refused to trample the rights and reputation of Sandusky over something he did not see and over which no court had ruled. You can't blame him. McCleary who claimed to have intervened during the infamous shower incident involving Sandusky and a youth is hardly the paragon of truth or courage or character. Except for his interview with Sally and most probably with the writer cobbling together a biography on the man, Joe Pa never got to tell his side of the story publicly. The University silenced him.
Joe Pa did his duty. Unfortunately, those above him in the correct positions to put Sandusky where he belonged were less than men. They were a craven lot eager to show off their clean underwear rather than do their duty.
Sally painted a portrait of Joe Paterno as a stellar husband, father, coach, teacher, neighbor and human. His children she characterized as the sort of folk who make great company, friends, citizens. His home was filled with fun, food, family, and friendship. It was the type Italian family we all enjoy ...until that is when a few coins get tossed certain siblings' way.
Now, Sally's host said the lionization of Joe Paterno will begin. It should never have gone on hiatus. But that's the way the Media treats American ikons and heroes. Sometimes the post-mortem praise is just. Sometimes it's just plain hypocrisy. I give you Ted Kennedy.
If you listened to the commentary during his funeral, you'd think the nation just lost and buried a combination of George Washington and Abe Lincoln with a touch of Winston Churchill tossed in. We didn't. Ted was a farce and a fool. He was without doubt one of the worst legislators to ever disgrace Capitol Hill. He was, to someone's credit, smart enough to hire some impressive people whose ideas and initiatives he took for his own. Ted was a liar, a cheat and a coward whose family money kept him from prison or worse. And for those who are a bit light on history, that money came from supplying illegal hooch to the likes of Al Capone and friends during Prohibition. Plenty of people with more research credentials than I suggest in the strongest manner that family ties from those "good old days" played a pivotal role in getting his late brother elected President. Ted was the type national idol the Bible called "false."
So where does Newt fit into this?
He will be dangling at the end of a true media lynch mob rope by this November. Why? Because if he is true to form, he's not going to transform into a bowl of lukewarm flip-flop spit in an effort to get the media to love him. Unfortunately, a bit of honesty among our public figures is all too rare and a commodity the media just can't stomach.
Ask Coach John Thompson, the father, not the son. Big John is hated by any number of people who hear what they want to hear when he speaks...but who fail to hear or understand the words he speaks. I've heard countless invectives hurled his way by thick-skulled folks who claim he can't stand white folk. Forget for the moment that the mother of his children, his wife, is pink of complexion. I guess that's the hue of "white" folk. I wouldn't know. My father's World War II draft papers characterized him as "olive."
Listen carefully to Coach Thompson when he weighs in on social issues. His intellectual foundation is old school, Catholic school when the nuns taught and we listened. He weighs in against stupidity much like the Biblical tale of a young Jesus flogging folks who turned the Temple into an open market. He's dead right in flaming against the DC public schools for abandoning the athletic talent of its students, and of elected officials pocketing tax dollars earmarked for sports programs. And, don't let anyone play the race card in front of him. If your line of argument against a person or condition is based on skin pigment or ethnic derivation, he won't tolerate it from anyone of any color variation. As he so eloquently pointed out when one prize fighter of African descent was called not black enough by another of similar origins, John T simply called the man a racist. The race card is the last resort of the intellectually bankrupt.
So all I've got to say is Dan, Sally, Newt, John T. keep it up. Call 'em like you see 'em. Let our ikons stand tall but don't hesitate to topple the idols no matter how politically sacred.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Of Birthdays & Breast Cancer & Assorted Other Stuff
Yesterday, January 20th, was Tommy's 18th birthday. It was a bit of an odd day for him.
The day started off pretty well. I woke him up with a family joke. A few years ago, before she literally took his brother Johnny and moved to Ohio (without telling him...or me), his biological mother told him he was "too young to have an opinion." I can't remember the incident but that's the way she reacted each time someone disagreed with her point of view. So I slid open the pocket door to his bedroom, turned on the light and said, "Quick, tell me your first opinion!" His eyes opened to barely a squint and he started to laugh.
He turned on the television as he got dressed for school and the cartoon featured was celebrating the birthday of the main youthful character. Later he turned on the radio and not only were they playing his brother's favorite band, but they were playing his favorite song. In the age of rock, the song was ancient - four or five years old. In the kitchen, he opened a gift sent by his Aunt Elena...the only one of three who remembered him or who acknowledges us as part of our parents' family. I wish she and his Uncle Bob could have seen the grin on his face as he showed me their present. Someday I'll devote a post or twelve on this blog to each of them. Needless to say, Bob is a character anyone would value highly as an uncle...or brother-in-law.
Tommy's a thoughtful person. He cares deeply about friends and family. He's not impulsive. So for the past two years, since the death of his brother, Johnny, he's been thinking about how to memorialize him in a very private and personal way.
Let me say this about the family within which I grew up: we always had a house full of alcohol, beer etc. When Michelob was first introduced - in the dark days before boutique and imported beers hit the U.S. shores - dad brought home a bunch. My sisters immediately started using it as a hair wash agent.
My point is that we really didn't drink alcohol but we had it if we wanted it...no questions asked. We also were not much into fads. Dad never had arm ink etc. from the war.
So when Tommy said quietly one day he wanted to get a tatoo of Johnny's name placed over his heart it caused a bit of anguish. Still the thought was one that I could not argue against. He got it. He also got his favorite restaurant meal: tuna sashimi and coconut rum pie at Bone Fish Grill - the direct influence of my great friend David Wills.
So what about breast cancer? My sister Elena is a survivor. David's wife is now undergoing treatment in Houston for the most viral form: triple negative BC. Triple negative means that all of the receptors in a person's body that allow traditional chemo protocols to work are missing in hers.
At dinner, Megan brought up the 30 mile Avon two-day walk for breast cancer being advertised over the radio. Not to be confused with the 60 mile three-day Susan Komen walk being promoted at virtually the same time. Megan and her boyfriend Matt (Polar Bear Plungers for the Special Olympics - as is Tommy) wanted to try the Avon walk. I've toyed with the idea of doing the same with Mary and Tommy. Here's the kicker.
Megan asked a friend who has done the Avon walk and found out (I hope this isn't true but she insists it is) that each participant is expected to contribute via pledges $1800. That's stout! She said if you don't get that much in pledges, the sponsors have your credit card on file and debit the balance from your card! 'Scuse me???? That's not charity. Gave me indigestion.
On another note, the shrimp are growing in Texas. Our demonstration model built on five acres at Port Isabel outside of Brownsville is up and running. We built it at a quarter scale to show the technology (and what we've been doing for the past ten years) so we can get funding to build full size commercial production facilities. We are hoping to build two "greenhouse" modules capable of producing a million pounds of 45 gram and larger shrimp per year. That's U15 or 15 shrimp per pound. Actually we may be producing 70 gram shrimp as we did in South Africa for 3 years once things really get rolling. One aquaculture expert said "You're not growing shrimp! You're growing lobsters!" No they were shrimp for sure...and they taste better than anything being farmed or taken from the sea anywhere in the world.
Our long range goal over the next three to five years is to build enough modules to let us hit 10 million pounds per year. That's a million pounds more than all of the open-pond farms in Texas raised at the height of the industry and Texas back then produced more than 70 percent of all U.S. farmed marine shrimp. Texas' (and the world's) shrimp farming is in a real crash because open pond technology is prone to disease and pollution. Our system is enclosed, treats and recirculates the water so nothing is discharged back into the environment once our grow-out tanks are filled. We have the potential of putting 2000 people to work once we build a dedicated processing plant at the 10 million pound mark. No exaggeration. If you want to see first hand the future of shrimp production fly down to Brownsville. We'll give you a tour.
The day started off pretty well. I woke him up with a family joke. A few years ago, before she literally took his brother Johnny and moved to Ohio (without telling him...or me), his biological mother told him he was "too young to have an opinion." I can't remember the incident but that's the way she reacted each time someone disagreed with her point of view. So I slid open the pocket door to his bedroom, turned on the light and said, "Quick, tell me your first opinion!" His eyes opened to barely a squint and he started to laugh.
He turned on the television as he got dressed for school and the cartoon featured was celebrating the birthday of the main youthful character. Later he turned on the radio and not only were they playing his brother's favorite band, but they were playing his favorite song. In the age of rock, the song was ancient - four or five years old. In the kitchen, he opened a gift sent by his Aunt Elena...the only one of three who remembered him or who acknowledges us as part of our parents' family. I wish she and his Uncle Bob could have seen the grin on his face as he showed me their present. Someday I'll devote a post or twelve on this blog to each of them. Needless to say, Bob is a character anyone would value highly as an uncle...or brother-in-law.
Tommy's a thoughtful person. He cares deeply about friends and family. He's not impulsive. So for the past two years, since the death of his brother, Johnny, he's been thinking about how to memorialize him in a very private and personal way.
Let me say this about the family within which I grew up: we always had a house full of alcohol, beer etc. When Michelob was first introduced - in the dark days before boutique and imported beers hit the U.S. shores - dad brought home a bunch. My sisters immediately started using it as a hair wash agent.
My point is that we really didn't drink alcohol but we had it if we wanted it...no questions asked. We also were not much into fads. Dad never had arm ink etc. from the war.
So when Tommy said quietly one day he wanted to get a tatoo of Johnny's name placed over his heart it caused a bit of anguish. Still the thought was one that I could not argue against. He got it. He also got his favorite restaurant meal: tuna sashimi and coconut rum pie at Bone Fish Grill - the direct influence of my great friend David Wills.
So what about breast cancer? My sister Elena is a survivor. David's wife is now undergoing treatment in Houston for the most viral form: triple negative BC. Triple negative means that all of the receptors in a person's body that allow traditional chemo protocols to work are missing in hers.
At dinner, Megan brought up the 30 mile Avon two-day walk for breast cancer being advertised over the radio. Not to be confused with the 60 mile three-day Susan Komen walk being promoted at virtually the same time. Megan and her boyfriend Matt (Polar Bear Plungers for the Special Olympics - as is Tommy) wanted to try the Avon walk. I've toyed with the idea of doing the same with Mary and Tommy. Here's the kicker.
Megan asked a friend who has done the Avon walk and found out (I hope this isn't true but she insists it is) that each participant is expected to contribute via pledges $1800. That's stout! She said if you don't get that much in pledges, the sponsors have your credit card on file and debit the balance from your card! 'Scuse me???? That's not charity. Gave me indigestion.
On another note, the shrimp are growing in Texas. Our demonstration model built on five acres at Port Isabel outside of Brownsville is up and running. We built it at a quarter scale to show the technology (and what we've been doing for the past ten years) so we can get funding to build full size commercial production facilities. We are hoping to build two "greenhouse" modules capable of producing a million pounds of 45 gram and larger shrimp per year. That's U15 or 15 shrimp per pound. Actually we may be producing 70 gram shrimp as we did in South Africa for 3 years once things really get rolling. One aquaculture expert said "You're not growing shrimp! You're growing lobsters!" No they were shrimp for sure...and they taste better than anything being farmed or taken from the sea anywhere in the world.
Our long range goal over the next three to five years is to build enough modules to let us hit 10 million pounds per year. That's a million pounds more than all of the open-pond farms in Texas raised at the height of the industry and Texas back then produced more than 70 percent of all U.S. farmed marine shrimp. Texas' (and the world's) shrimp farming is in a real crash because open pond technology is prone to disease and pollution. Our system is enclosed, treats and recirculates the water so nothing is discharged back into the environment once our grow-out tanks are filled. We have the potential of putting 2000 people to work once we build a dedicated processing plant at the 10 million pound mark. No exaggeration. If you want to see first hand the future of shrimp production fly down to Brownsville. We'll give you a tour.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Reflections on the Holidays, Family and Friends
Christmas is a week past and New Years is two days in the future.
This year Christmas was a mix of emotions. As with every phase of life it is an evolving process. The good and fulfilling are those present to share the experience. Then there are those missing. Some temporarily due to location, circumstance, or some other understandable reasons. Some who passed. Some whose withdrawal from the circle of family or friends is just too bad.
For me, this year was very pleasing even if my ideal Christmas is totally unrealistic or unattainable.
In my ideal world I would be surrounded by every family member and friend I've ever met from every phase of my life...whether I can still remember their names or not. Each brings memories, smiles and feelings of fulfillment.
There would be friends from my childhood who lived next door or around the corner. Friends from grade school. Friends from high school. Friends from college and graduate school. Friends from the Army. Friends from San Antonio, Fort Worth, Massachusetts, New York, Hyattsville, Northwest DC, Damascus, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Virginia, Florida, North Carolina, Washington State, Canada, France, China, Australia, etc. Friends from the newspapers (the Prince George's, Montgomery, and Fairfax Sentinels, The Washington Star, Washington NewsWorks) with whom I worked. Friends from the NRA. from various consulting and teaching jobs... Friends met at CITES meetings and a variety of international and domestic gatherings. Friends from the Washington Theater Lab. Friends from the teams I helped coach and the places I've lived. Friends met via other friends. Friends from the St. John's swim team. Friends who are doctors and nurses and lawyers and electricians and plumbers and realtors and every kind of kind human who helped me, my family and friends.
There would be my grandparents, my parents, and my son, Johnny, all of whom passed. There would be my sister, brother-in-law, their children and grandchildren. My nephews and others from relatives who no longer claim affiliation or affection. My parents' relatives from Philly and Jersey and Virginia and Maryland. Mandi and Michael and their relatives and friends in England. My cousins near and far. My friend and business partner of nearly two decades, David Wills.
And, of course, my immediate family with whom I did celebrate: Tommy, Mary, Megan, Maggie, Joel, Matt. We all pitched in and cooked the Christmas meal. Every dish was tasty. Every minute enjoyed and appreciated...even those where I mimicked my father and took a snooze after a fill of food and a glass or two of very nice wine.
I guess the reason I'm writing this now as the year is winding to and end is to simply say to all of you...Thank You. Thank you ever so much for all you've given to make my life so full, so rich, so
fun. Thank you a thousand times over.
This year Christmas was a mix of emotions. As with every phase of life it is an evolving process. The good and fulfilling are those present to share the experience. Then there are those missing. Some temporarily due to location, circumstance, or some other understandable reasons. Some who passed. Some whose withdrawal from the circle of family or friends is just too bad.
For me, this year was very pleasing even if my ideal Christmas is totally unrealistic or unattainable.
In my ideal world I would be surrounded by every family member and friend I've ever met from every phase of my life...whether I can still remember their names or not. Each brings memories, smiles and feelings of fulfillment.
There would be friends from my childhood who lived next door or around the corner. Friends from grade school. Friends from high school. Friends from college and graduate school. Friends from the Army. Friends from San Antonio, Fort Worth, Massachusetts, New York, Hyattsville, Northwest DC, Damascus, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Virginia, Florida, North Carolina, Washington State, Canada, France, China, Australia, etc. Friends from the newspapers (the Prince George's, Montgomery, and Fairfax Sentinels, The Washington Star, Washington NewsWorks) with whom I worked. Friends from the NRA. from various consulting and teaching jobs... Friends met at CITES meetings and a variety of international and domestic gatherings. Friends from the Washington Theater Lab. Friends from the teams I helped coach and the places I've lived. Friends met via other friends. Friends from the St. John's swim team. Friends who are doctors and nurses and lawyers and electricians and plumbers and realtors and every kind of kind human who helped me, my family and friends.
There would be my grandparents, my parents, and my son, Johnny, all of whom passed. There would be my sister, brother-in-law, their children and grandchildren. My nephews and others from relatives who no longer claim affiliation or affection. My parents' relatives from Philly and Jersey and Virginia and Maryland. Mandi and Michael and their relatives and friends in England. My cousins near and far. My friend and business partner of nearly two decades, David Wills.
And, of course, my immediate family with whom I did celebrate: Tommy, Mary, Megan, Maggie, Joel, Matt. We all pitched in and cooked the Christmas meal. Every dish was tasty. Every minute enjoyed and appreciated...even those where I mimicked my father and took a snooze after a fill of food and a glass or two of very nice wine.
I guess the reason I'm writing this now as the year is winding to and end is to simply say to all of you...Thank You. Thank you ever so much for all you've given to make my life so full, so rich, so
fun. Thank you a thousand times over.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Word of Advice: Never Write Anything to Anyone After Midnight
Okay, so it's nearly 3 AM and I'm wide awake. I've been trying to clean up four distinct piles of files and papers in my office for the past seven hours. The papers, I've discovered date back to the 1960s and earlier.
There are valentines from my father to my mother. From the names of my siblings he signed they had to be pre-1956.
But the one that prompted this violation of my first principle of writing, was dated 1983. It is a certificate from the Maryland State Police announcing my completion of the police firearms instructor school. For some reason that bit of memorabilia touched off a phrase that I've been asked countless times. And for an equal number of times I've been at a loss to answer, namely "what do you do?" It's a question that has intrinsic existentially defining connotations, the most important being "Who are you?"
I can tell you what people have called me - leaving out the obscenities.
Traveling in Manhattan many years ago with a Georgia State Police Officer and one of the most interesting of many interesting people I've known (whose day job in no way resembled what he really did for a living) and consider friends, I was dubbed "KGB" by a Russian expatriate as we emerged from an official looking car. The good man and his two companions disappeared as quickly and quietly as wild turkeys in a dimly lit woods. I'm not KGB.
The KGB consider me God knows what because I co-authored a series of articles on our lack of strategic Sea Lift and why it would take us six months to deploy a suitable number of troops and materiel a few years prior to Desert Storm. They also had copies of a newsletter I wrote in their archives...according to a reliable source, now deceased.
For years and to this day, my friend's sons consider me CIA. I'm not.
I had to take an early leave from a police course on automatic weapons being conducted by one of the finest teachers I've ever had - including nuns, Christian Brothers, Jesuit Priests, high school, college and graduate school professors - a former Secret Service instructor by the name of John Recknor. My classmates from a variety of departments along the Atlantic corridor swore I was a "spook." I wasn't.
Animal Rights fanatics hate me because I spent a number of years as an advocate for biomedical research and asked them at a news conference if as they claimed that they condemn medical research performed on animals because it was not relevant to humans, "did they approve of it for the medical benefits it provided animals?"
I was kicked out of the Outdoor Writers Association because as a ghost writer I refused to submit tear sheets of the articles I wrote that were published in outdoors, shooting and hunting magazines under other people's names. They said if they waived the rule for me, they would have to do it for all the outdoor "ghost writers." I asked how many were in the organization and was told "you are the only one." Ah the logic of the media.
Back before the media "sainthood" of the late Senator Ted Kennedy when he was considered by even his friends in Congress as perhaps the dumbest Member of that esteemed body, I got him totally ticked at me by publishing an analysis of one of his many anti-gun bills that demonstrated via textual analysis compared to his own published statements that the good fellow never read his own bill. It as truly interesting (and I admit gratifying) to notice his staffers pointing me out to the Senator at some function on the Hill.
Friends refer to me as something of a chef. I'm not. I cook left-overs. I did cook at my mother's restaurant for six years. I just followed her lead.
I've had street thugs claim I scared them. Must have mistaken me for someone else. Might have had something to do with the couple of individuals who tried to rob us and somehow got tossed out the door and into the street instead.
Lately I've been part of an amazing team that that developed an equally amazing technology that promises to bring some 2000 very good jobs to the Gulf Coast and reverse the trend of shipping U.S. dollars abroad in exchange for questionable quality shrimp. We've got an operating model up and running and once fully funded we'll show that premium quality shrimp can be raised at the rate of 10 million pounds a year right here in the U.S.A. I also built my son a primo bedroom, framed in the room, hung drywall, laid the tile floor, installed hardwood floors elsewhere in the house, am doing the bathroom remodel, plumbing and all, cook the meals, do the laundry and on and on and on.
So do I have an answer to that initial question or its collorary? Absolutely not. All I want to be is a good dad and soon, I hope, a good husband to a quite remarkable woman.
Told you not to write after midnight. Now I've got to get some sleep.
There are valentines from my father to my mother. From the names of my siblings he signed they had to be pre-1956.
But the one that prompted this violation of my first principle of writing, was dated 1983. It is a certificate from the Maryland State Police announcing my completion of the police firearms instructor school. For some reason that bit of memorabilia touched off a phrase that I've been asked countless times. And for an equal number of times I've been at a loss to answer, namely "what do you do?" It's a question that has intrinsic existentially defining connotations, the most important being "Who are you?"
I can tell you what people have called me - leaving out the obscenities.
Traveling in Manhattan many years ago with a Georgia State Police Officer and one of the most interesting of many interesting people I've known (whose day job in no way resembled what he really did for a living) and consider friends, I was dubbed "KGB" by a Russian expatriate as we emerged from an official looking car. The good man and his two companions disappeared as quickly and quietly as wild turkeys in a dimly lit woods. I'm not KGB.
The KGB consider me God knows what because I co-authored a series of articles on our lack of strategic Sea Lift and why it would take us six months to deploy a suitable number of troops and materiel a few years prior to Desert Storm. They also had copies of a newsletter I wrote in their archives...according to a reliable source, now deceased.
For years and to this day, my friend's sons consider me CIA. I'm not.
I had to take an early leave from a police course on automatic weapons being conducted by one of the finest teachers I've ever had - including nuns, Christian Brothers, Jesuit Priests, high school, college and graduate school professors - a former Secret Service instructor by the name of John Recknor. My classmates from a variety of departments along the Atlantic corridor swore I was a "spook." I wasn't.
Animal Rights fanatics hate me because I spent a number of years as an advocate for biomedical research and asked them at a news conference if as they claimed that they condemn medical research performed on animals because it was not relevant to humans, "did they approve of it for the medical benefits it provided animals?"
I was kicked out of the Outdoor Writers Association because as a ghost writer I refused to submit tear sheets of the articles I wrote that were published in outdoors, shooting and hunting magazines under other people's names. They said if they waived the rule for me, they would have to do it for all the outdoor "ghost writers." I asked how many were in the organization and was told "you are the only one." Ah the logic of the media.
Back before the media "sainthood" of the late Senator Ted Kennedy when he was considered by even his friends in Congress as perhaps the dumbest Member of that esteemed body, I got him totally ticked at me by publishing an analysis of one of his many anti-gun bills that demonstrated via textual analysis compared to his own published statements that the good fellow never read his own bill. It as truly interesting (and I admit gratifying) to notice his staffers pointing me out to the Senator at some function on the Hill.
Friends refer to me as something of a chef. I'm not. I cook left-overs. I did cook at my mother's restaurant for six years. I just followed her lead.
I've had street thugs claim I scared them. Must have mistaken me for someone else. Might have had something to do with the couple of individuals who tried to rob us and somehow got tossed out the door and into the street instead.
Lately I've been part of an amazing team that that developed an equally amazing technology that promises to bring some 2000 very good jobs to the Gulf Coast and reverse the trend of shipping U.S. dollars abroad in exchange for questionable quality shrimp. We've got an operating model up and running and once fully funded we'll show that premium quality shrimp can be raised at the rate of 10 million pounds a year right here in the U.S.A. I also built my son a primo bedroom, framed in the room, hung drywall, laid the tile floor, installed hardwood floors elsewhere in the house, am doing the bathroom remodel, plumbing and all, cook the meals, do the laundry and on and on and on.
So do I have an answer to that initial question or its collorary? Absolutely not. All I want to be is a good dad and soon, I hope, a good husband to a quite remarkable woman.
Told you not to write after midnight. Now I've got to get some sleep.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Why Do Parents Do the Things They Do to Their Kids
Years ago I was sitting in the small entrance way to a synagogue just off upper Connecticut Avenue waiting for my Hebrew teacher. That's right, my Hebrew teacher. I've tried my hand at Spanish, French, Italian and can barely get English correct more times than not. Sometimes the words of each language come back. Most often, they don't. So I figured if I learned Hebrew I could go back and learn every Romance language that beat me down. (Yeah, I was in the Spanish Honor Society in at St. John's College High. But that was more test scores than truly understanding much less speaking the language.)
I learned to read classic Hebrew fairly well. Learned the prayers and learned the greetings for the holidays. Don't ask now...my memory is very Italian - it's a spaghetti strainer with the knowledge acquired oozing out in record time.
At any rate, I was sitting there waiting when a very stunning young woman strode up to the thick glass entrance doors. Her appearance, dress and demeanor were all quite something. As she approached the door she raised an arm, the door swung open as if on cue (apparently the gym was a daily haunt). To say she "strode" in is the perfect use of the verb. Head held high...face forward...eyes focused on her destination without even a hint of acknowledging anything or anyone around her. You know the look. It's on every shopper at Whole Foods Market and every BMW/LEXUS/MERCEDES driver flying up 270 at 75 mph or on 70 East or West doing 80. As she cleared the path of the heavy door, now swinging back to its original rest position, I stared in abject horror at the scene before me. Her five- or six-year-old child was walking in behind her. Bam! The door slammed into him face first. She never made an effort to see that the tot made safe passage into the house of worship. I was too far away to act save to repress a dual urge to vomit and yell an obscenity at her. But, for once, I just stared silently in disbelief. To her credit (?) she did turn and played perfectly the upset mom, again, as if it was written into the script she was following. No "I'm sorry." No acknowledgment that this was the consequence of her behavior. That was twenty or thirty years ago. Today, she probably would have sued the synagogue because the door endangered her child.
Since that time I've viewed or learned of much worse...not the horrors that make the daily news, but in many ways, close. Personal stuff. There's the obviously grotesque and unforgivable. A former DC cop told me of responding to a call of a child in danger. He and his partner ran up the stairs past parents too strung out on heroin or crack to notice or comprehend that anything was amiss. In the house they went to a bathroom overflowing with water, human waste and an infant face down and lifeless lying on the floor. I felt most sorrow for the cop. He had to live with the image of what he saw. As tragic as the child's death was, he was at least free from a life of worse.
Then there is experience of a young man I know. His father and mother divorced when he was very young. The most vivid image I have of his childhood was when he waited all day for his father to pick him up for a weekend together. He sat on the front stoop for hours. The father never showed.
The occasions when he took the child often saw him fairly comatose from alcohol and the boy left to his own devices. If you thought the boy had a difficult time, you would be right on target. Think of any way a kid could get messed up because of an alcoholic father and an emotionally distant mother and you get a pretty accurate picture. There are plenty of profiles on characteristics common to children of this type parent and ...suffice to say trusting adults and accepting responsibility for missteps are not among them.
When a step father appeared on the scene, early attempts at parenting met the stone wall of youthful rejection. That led to a mutual animosity that led to outright hostility. The idea that the trust curve would take Herculean patience and understanding was, to the outsider looking in, was an option that never had a chance with the step dad or the biological mother. It would have taken too much time away from the life they enjoyed. Too much a bother. The jury has not yet issued a verdict but the outcast lad seems to be making a significant course correction: working two jobs seven days a week and getting good grades via a reputable on-line university thanks to the help of other relatives with far more charity, understanding and kindness.
Then there is the absent parent who spent a lifetime barely noticing the second of two children. Contrary to the myth perpetrated by all too many psychologists, child welfare services, the courts and the media, the maternal parent is the self-indulgent perpetrator. Seriously, go to Maryland Child Services and look at their forms. No where is there reference to the father as the caring parent. It's all maternal oriented. I kid you not.
What is painful is to watch the absentee parent fawn in writing to the abandoned child, now a teen. Not the least suggestion is made that the parent's behavior rejected and subsequently alienated the child. Not the first word that the mother has any inkling of accepting her own behavior is suggested in a saccharinly sweet and overly melodramatic Christmas letter that says the lad is "finally understood." What did he do???? The pain is watching the boy toss the message aside, then having to pick it up off the floor after he walks away.
All any of those children wanted or deserved was someone to truly care and speak the truth. I believe it's called respect.
Then
I learned to read classic Hebrew fairly well. Learned the prayers and learned the greetings for the holidays. Don't ask now...my memory is very Italian - it's a spaghetti strainer with the knowledge acquired oozing out in record time.
At any rate, I was sitting there waiting when a very stunning young woman strode up to the thick glass entrance doors. Her appearance, dress and demeanor were all quite something. As she approached the door she raised an arm, the door swung open as if on cue (apparently the gym was a daily haunt). To say she "strode" in is the perfect use of the verb. Head held high...face forward...eyes focused on her destination without even a hint of acknowledging anything or anyone around her. You know the look. It's on every shopper at Whole Foods Market and every BMW/LEXUS/MERCEDES driver flying up 270 at 75 mph or on 70 East or West doing 80. As she cleared the path of the heavy door, now swinging back to its original rest position, I stared in abject horror at the scene before me. Her five- or six-year-old child was walking in behind her. Bam! The door slammed into him face first. She never made an effort to see that the tot made safe passage into the house of worship. I was too far away to act save to repress a dual urge to vomit and yell an obscenity at her. But, for once, I just stared silently in disbelief. To her credit (?) she did turn and played perfectly the upset mom, again, as if it was written into the script she was following. No "I'm sorry." No acknowledgment that this was the consequence of her behavior. That was twenty or thirty years ago. Today, she probably would have sued the synagogue because the door endangered her child.
Since that time I've viewed or learned of much worse...not the horrors that make the daily news, but in many ways, close. Personal stuff. There's the obviously grotesque and unforgivable. A former DC cop told me of responding to a call of a child in danger. He and his partner ran up the stairs past parents too strung out on heroin or crack to notice or comprehend that anything was amiss. In the house they went to a bathroom overflowing with water, human waste and an infant face down and lifeless lying on the floor. I felt most sorrow for the cop. He had to live with the image of what he saw. As tragic as the child's death was, he was at least free from a life of worse.
Then there is experience of a young man I know. His father and mother divorced when he was very young. The most vivid image I have of his childhood was when he waited all day for his father to pick him up for a weekend together. He sat on the front stoop for hours. The father never showed.
The occasions when he took the child often saw him fairly comatose from alcohol and the boy left to his own devices. If you thought the boy had a difficult time, you would be right on target. Think of any way a kid could get messed up because of an alcoholic father and an emotionally distant mother and you get a pretty accurate picture. There are plenty of profiles on characteristics common to children of this type parent and ...suffice to say trusting adults and accepting responsibility for missteps are not among them.
When a step father appeared on the scene, early attempts at parenting met the stone wall of youthful rejection. That led to a mutual animosity that led to outright hostility. The idea that the trust curve would take Herculean patience and understanding was, to the outsider looking in, was an option that never had a chance with the step dad or the biological mother. It would have taken too much time away from the life they enjoyed. Too much a bother. The jury has not yet issued a verdict but the outcast lad seems to be making a significant course correction: working two jobs seven days a week and getting good grades via a reputable on-line university thanks to the help of other relatives with far more charity, understanding and kindness.
Then there is the absent parent who spent a lifetime barely noticing the second of two children. Contrary to the myth perpetrated by all too many psychologists, child welfare services, the courts and the media, the maternal parent is the self-indulgent perpetrator. Seriously, go to Maryland Child Services and look at their forms. No where is there reference to the father as the caring parent. It's all maternal oriented. I kid you not.
What is painful is to watch the absentee parent fawn in writing to the abandoned child, now a teen. Not the least suggestion is made that the parent's behavior rejected and subsequently alienated the child. Not the first word that the mother has any inkling of accepting her own behavior is suggested in a saccharinly sweet and overly melodramatic Christmas letter that says the lad is "finally understood." What did he do???? The pain is watching the boy toss the message aside, then having to pick it up off the floor after he walks away.
All any of those children wanted or deserved was someone to truly care and speak the truth. I believe it's called respect.
Then
Monday, December 12, 2011
Examining the "Conservative" View Towards Marijuana
Say "marijuana" and visions appear of immature pro-athletes like the two bozo's suspended from the Redskins last week as well as photographs of the Occupy (fill in the city of choice) idiots that remind me of modern depictions of characters in Hell so wonderfully portrayed centuries ago by Jeroen Anthoniszoon van Aken aka Hieronymus Bosch.
That said, after spending a few more moments reflecting on the "evil weed" and my thoughts turn to Mexico and the Obama Administration's ballet with that country's President who blames the U.S. for all the evil folks on his side of the border who are lethally adverse to the free market principle of competition.
No matter what I think of Mexican logic or their version of political ethics (try not to laugh too loudly at the concept), there are some very serious consequences attached to marijuana and its legal status here in the United States. First, some very fine law enforcement officials with our Homeland Security/Immigration/Border Patrol operations are being put in mortal harm's way due to the cross-border trafficking of the illegal herb. Second, our economy is in a hell hole due to the flushing of billions down the judicial sewer system for enforcement, prosecution, and incarceration related to marijuana possession and use. I'm not talking about the consequences of behavior while under the influence of the weed. Smoke MJ and do something irresponsible that results in causing harm to someone and all bets are off. Shame on you.
Look we are a very immature country when it comes to ethics and morality. Maybe it's the influence of too many Puritans fleeing England before the first turkey day. Who knows. The fact is we act like self righteous jerks when it comes to things other countries take in stride. And we are hypocrites to boot.
I come from a family where alcohol was not forbidden fruit. If we wanted it, we could have it. As a result, we rarely wanted it.
Big family meals might have had beer and wine available but most drank ice tea or Pepsi. My grandfather drank wine he made (sometimes with our help) but only a glass or two to compliment my grandmother's outrageous cooking skills. Christmas, Thanksgiving or just Sunday dinner had a pasta dish (ravioli, manicotta (we pronounced it old Sicilian style as "managota" etc. always homemade), a baked chicken, ham and a roast leg of lamb or beef (that's right all three at the same meal ...unless there was a big rock fish or maybe including the fish) with two kinds of potatoes and at least three kinds of vegetables. I kid you not.
I don't know the merits of medical marijuana. I don't care about the attraction of it's recreational use. As I mentioned I do care about the consequences of irresponsible use. Same as with alcohol or firearms.
At any rate I'm quickly coming to the position that it's time we as a nation grow up and allow our friends and neighbors to become adults and decide for themselves if they want to smoke pot or eat pot or just grow pretty pot plants without facing the full force of our criminal justice system. I also think it will be fun to legalize the substance and watch the Mexican President complain of that we just ruined his nation's economy.
That's the conservative thing to do.
That said, after spending a few more moments reflecting on the "evil weed" and my thoughts turn to Mexico and the Obama Administration's ballet with that country's President who blames the U.S. for all the evil folks on his side of the border who are lethally adverse to the free market principle of competition.
No matter what I think of Mexican logic or their version of political ethics (try not to laugh too loudly at the concept), there are some very serious consequences attached to marijuana and its legal status here in the United States. First, some very fine law enforcement officials with our Homeland Security/Immigration/Border Patrol operations are being put in mortal harm's way due to the cross-border trafficking of the illegal herb. Second, our economy is in a hell hole due to the flushing of billions down the judicial sewer system for enforcement, prosecution, and incarceration related to marijuana possession and use. I'm not talking about the consequences of behavior while under the influence of the weed. Smoke MJ and do something irresponsible that results in causing harm to someone and all bets are off. Shame on you.
Look we are a very immature country when it comes to ethics and morality. Maybe it's the influence of too many Puritans fleeing England before the first turkey day. Who knows. The fact is we act like self righteous jerks when it comes to things other countries take in stride. And we are hypocrites to boot.
I come from a family where alcohol was not forbidden fruit. If we wanted it, we could have it. As a result, we rarely wanted it.
Big family meals might have had beer and wine available but most drank ice tea or Pepsi. My grandfather drank wine he made (sometimes with our help) but only a glass or two to compliment my grandmother's outrageous cooking skills. Christmas, Thanksgiving or just Sunday dinner had a pasta dish (ravioli, manicotta (we pronounced it old Sicilian style as "managota" etc. always homemade), a baked chicken, ham and a roast leg of lamb or beef (that's right all three at the same meal ...unless there was a big rock fish or maybe including the fish) with two kinds of potatoes and at least three kinds of vegetables. I kid you not.
I don't know the merits of medical marijuana. I don't care about the attraction of it's recreational use. As I mentioned I do care about the consequences of irresponsible use. Same as with alcohol or firearms.
At any rate I'm quickly coming to the position that it's time we as a nation grow up and allow our friends and neighbors to become adults and decide for themselves if they want to smoke pot or eat pot or just grow pretty pot plants without facing the full force of our criminal justice system. I also think it will be fun to legalize the substance and watch the Mexican President complain of that we just ruined his nation's economy.
That's the conservative thing to do.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Courage, Sports and Shame
My high school, now Tommy's, won the Varsity Girls Soccer Championship this past Sunday at the very impressive soccer stadium in Germantown, Maryland. New coach. First year and the championship trophy now resides at 27th and Military Road in the District. Congratulations to all.
But now comes the story behind the story.
I try to catch the team's games largely to watch one of the most impressive players I've had the privilege to meet. Plus I enjoy visiting with her parents. Last year she was named team captain. She was only a Junior but she had excellent on-field execution. Her passes were arrow straight and to the right person. She was awesome when heading with the ball towards the goal. And she could shoot straight, curved, high, low but always true. Two prestigious New England schools offered her a scholarship. She's that good.
She did not play even a minute in this year's championship game and very little during the regular season. She didn't play because last year she quit the team.
She quit in protest over the coach. He was, in my opinion, a total butthole. He reminded me of more than a few CYO baseball coaches during the 1950s. Only his pet lineup played the games. Apparently she shared the sentiment. Apparently too the school found merit in her actions. They fired the coach.
I thought she showed a great deal of courage in her actions. Her teammates didn't. For the most part they shunned her. She stood alone. Got a bad coach replaced with a good one and carried the consequences of her action with dignity and maturity.
In fact, the new coach told her before the game that she would not play because he didn't want to cause any complaints to be fired his way. I call that gutless and pitiful. She took the news in stride and cheered when the team scored the winning goal and at the final whistle she jumped with joy. No one knew the story behind her riding the bench. I call that courage.
****
On the other hand, I call the sports media's demand for Joe Pa's resignation shameless. Stop for a moment and think. Coach Joe did not see the acts. If he had, his Italian instincts would have found the perpetrator in a world of physical hurt. I guarantee it.
Coach Joe had one person's word. He acted upon it by reporting it to the higher school authorities. The media spent all day expressing phony righteous indignation over his not reporting it to the police. Remember at that point it was hearsay. It was up to the school to act.
So you say, Coach Joe should have fired the man. Based on what? If he acted in a punitive fashion he would have been guilty of the media's greatest sin: assuming one guilty until proven innocent. Coach Joe didn't sign the man's pay check. He didn't play judge or jury based on one man's accusation.
Years ago I was talking to a very fine gentleman about our children. He told me that a parent heard his son tell another youngster: "My Dad always beats me!" Outraged she called the police and had the man arrested. What the woman didn't hear was the first part of the conversation where my friend's son told the other boy: "My Dad and I play soccer every day but..."
If Coach Joe had walked into the shower room and saw the incident reported in the media, I only pray he would have had a pistol and shot the bastard. I call that the only Christian thing to do.
But now comes the story behind the story.
I try to catch the team's games largely to watch one of the most impressive players I've had the privilege to meet. Plus I enjoy visiting with her parents. Last year she was named team captain. She was only a Junior but she had excellent on-field execution. Her passes were arrow straight and to the right person. She was awesome when heading with the ball towards the goal. And she could shoot straight, curved, high, low but always true. Two prestigious New England schools offered her a scholarship. She's that good.
She did not play even a minute in this year's championship game and very little during the regular season. She didn't play because last year she quit the team.
She quit in protest over the coach. He was, in my opinion, a total butthole. He reminded me of more than a few CYO baseball coaches during the 1950s. Only his pet lineup played the games. Apparently she shared the sentiment. Apparently too the school found merit in her actions. They fired the coach.
I thought she showed a great deal of courage in her actions. Her teammates didn't. For the most part they shunned her. She stood alone. Got a bad coach replaced with a good one and carried the consequences of her action with dignity and maturity.
In fact, the new coach told her before the game that she would not play because he didn't want to cause any complaints to be fired his way. I call that gutless and pitiful. She took the news in stride and cheered when the team scored the winning goal and at the final whistle she jumped with joy. No one knew the story behind her riding the bench. I call that courage.
****
On the other hand, I call the sports media's demand for Joe Pa's resignation shameless. Stop for a moment and think. Coach Joe did not see the acts. If he had, his Italian instincts would have found the perpetrator in a world of physical hurt. I guarantee it.
Coach Joe had one person's word. He acted upon it by reporting it to the higher school authorities. The media spent all day expressing phony righteous indignation over his not reporting it to the police. Remember at that point it was hearsay. It was up to the school to act.
So you say, Coach Joe should have fired the man. Based on what? If he acted in a punitive fashion he would have been guilty of the media's greatest sin: assuming one guilty until proven innocent. Coach Joe didn't sign the man's pay check. He didn't play judge or jury based on one man's accusation.
Years ago I was talking to a very fine gentleman about our children. He told me that a parent heard his son tell another youngster: "My Dad always beats me!" Outraged she called the police and had the man arrested. What the woman didn't hear was the first part of the conversation where my friend's son told the other boy: "My Dad and I play soccer every day but..."
If Coach Joe had walked into the shower room and saw the incident reported in the media, I only pray he would have had a pistol and shot the bastard. I call that the only Christian thing to do.
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